Bassbum
Veteran Poster
Posts:1733
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| 19 Jul 2009 11:42 AM |
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Keep em comming guys. This thread is great when you are in need of a laugh. Lifer since 05/08....Ky....Fred |
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moose
Advanced Poster
Posts:665
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| 20 Jul 2009 05:18 AM |
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bassbum wrote: Keep em comming guys. This thread is great when you are in need of a laugh. Lifer since 05/08....Ky....Fred |
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DanO
Advanced Poster
Posts:262
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| 20 Jul 2009 10:46 AM |
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Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.
One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.
The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"
The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.
Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." |
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bbrown18
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| 21 Jul 2009 10:06 AM |
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Myrtle the church gossip came in to church one sunday morning ranting about how she had seen Mr Fullers old yellow pickup truck sitting at the town bar all night friday. She told her fellow paritioners that they should stage an intervention as Mr Fuller was obviously an alcoholic. When Mr Fuller came into church that morning Myrtle wasted no time in confronting him about his alcoholism. Rather than getting upset Mr Fuller said nothing, he didn't even appear to get upset. Later that evening Mr Fuller quitely pulled his truck up in front of Myrtle's house, and ever so quitely slipped out and shut the door. He then proceeded to walk home leaving his truck parked there all night.
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bbrown18
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| 21 Jul 2009 12:19 PM |
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A Redneck Fish Story A Redneck was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'Naw, sir', replied the Redneck.'I ain't got none of dem dere Licenses. I don't need one. You must understand, by, dese here is My pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Dat's de trut' bye. Every night, I take dese fish down to de Cove and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Den, when I whistles, dey jump right back into dese here ice chests and I takes 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'
The Redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said,'It's de trut Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
'O.K.', said the warden.'I've got to see this!'
The Redneck stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove. Then He stood and looked out to sea.
After several minutes, the warden says,'Well?' 'Well, what?', says the Redneck
The warden says,'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH', replied the warden!
'What fish?', replied the Redneck.
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GuppyCatcher
Advanced Poster
Posts:380
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| 21 Jul 2009 03:20 PM |
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Two country bumpkins decide to get married.On their wedding night,they climb in bed.She says be gentle it`s my first time.He jumps out of bed and yells I WANT A DEVORSE!!! She starts crying and asks why?He replies ,If your not good enough for your dad and brothers, your not good enough for me! Old-fart Catfisher |
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Bassbum
Veteran Poster
Posts:1733
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| 21 Jul 2009 05:46 PM |
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moose, I've answered all your PM's. I dont know why your not getting them. Lifer since 05/08....Ky....Fred |
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Bassbum
Veteran Poster
Posts:1733
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| 21 Jul 2009 06:32 PM |
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This came from the walls of a porta potty: what does a horny wife and a tin roof have in common? If you dont nail them good they'll end up at the neighbors. Lifer since 05/08....Ky....Fred |
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rallen3
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| 21 Jul 2009 07:48 PM |
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A man and his wife were out at their favorite restaurant. The man gets up to go and use the restroom. He is the stereotypical nerdy type. As he is at the urinal, a giant of a man comes and stands at the one next to him. The nerd looks skyward and with a scared, shaking voice asks, "excuse me, but how tall are you"?, The guy answers in a deep Barry White voice, "I'm 6'8, weigh 285 and I'm Turner Brown". The little guy passes out, still holding himself. A few minutes go by and he comes to. He gets up and as he is zipping himself up, he asks, "what did you say before"? Again in a deep voice, I',m 6'8, weigh 285 Lbs and my name is Turner Brown". The little guy wipes his brow and with a sigh of relief says, "Whew, I thought you said 'turn around'. |
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moose
Advanced Poster
Posts:665
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| 22 Jul 2009 06:35 AM |
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bassbum wrote: moose, I've answered all your PM's. I dont know why your not getting them. Lifer since 05/08....Ky....Fred NOTHING HAS SHOWED UP YET.... LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05 |
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moose
Advanced Poster
Posts:665
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| 22 Jul 2009 06:44 AM |
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TWO HUNTERS ARE OUT IN THE WOODS, WHEN ONE OF THEM COLLAPSES. HE NOT BREATHIING AND HIS EYES ARE GLAZED . THE OTHER GUY WIPS OUT HIS CELL PHONE AND CALLS 911. I THINK MY FREIND IS DEAD. HE YELLS. WHAT CAN I DO?? THE OPERATOR SAYS, CALM DOWN.FRIST , LET 'S MAKE SURE HE'S DEAD.. THERES A SILENCE , THEN A SHOT. BACK ON THE PHONE,THE GUY SAYS, OKAY, NOW WHAT??? 
LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05 |
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moose
Advanced Poster
Posts:665
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| 22 Jul 2009 06:56 AM |
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Old-Fart wrote: Two country bumpkins decide to get married.On their wedding night,they climb in bed.She says be gentle it`s my first time.He jumps out of bed and yells I WANT A DEVORSE!!! She starts crying and asks why?He replies ,If your not good enough for your dad and brothers, your not good enough for me! Old-fart Catfisher THATS BAD////// YOUR GOING TO GET A LOT OF HATE MAIL... TRUE .. BUT FUNNY AS # ELL MAYBE TO MUCH CAFFINE. LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05 |
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GuppyCatcher
Advanced Poster
Posts:380
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| 22 Jul 2009 08:14 AM |
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Moose give`em this .jpg) Two guys were fishing in a small boat one morning.The guy in the back bends over the backside of the boat to get something and lets out a huge fart right in the other guys face,the stinch and gas were so bad the young man in the front fell over the side.The other guy tries to grab him and can`t,then notices he hooked himself when he fell over.He picks up the rod and starts reeling him in.When he gets him up to the boat he noticed there is something attached to him,WOW it`s the hugest bass he`s ever seen.He gets them in the boat and revives his friend.His friend says wow I did`nt know you could catch bass on stink bait. Old-fart Catfisher |
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deeder
New Poster
Posts:123
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| 22 Jul 2009 08:16 AM |
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Oldie but a goodie Q: How do you spot a redneck at seaworld? A: He's the guy with the fishing pole! |
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bbrown18
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| 22 Jul 2009 11:46 AM |
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Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to keep doing this over and over until you get it right.'" |
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rodrigo
Veteran Poster
Posts:2334
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| 22 Jul 2009 11:50 AM |
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My favorite joke, ever. Three guys are fishing in a boat when the one in front says, "You won't believe what I had to promise so I could go fishing today." Then without waiting for a reply, "I told her I'd paint all the bedrooms in our house." The guy in the back of the boat says, "Oh, well, I don't feel so dumb, I Promised I'd put a deck off the second floor." The guy in the middle just smiles and fishes until the other two get so annoyed they ask him what he had to do. He states, "The alarm went off at 4:30am and I nudged my wife, 'Sex or fishing?' she said, 'Wear a sweater.'"
Westwood KS 66205 |
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Steelhead
New Poster
Posts:5
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| 22 Jul 2009 06:08 PM |
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if you want to see the video of the one where the guy call 911 then shoots his friend just go to youtube and look up redneck 911 call it the one where the guy is wearing a camo shirt |
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GuppyCatcher
Advanced Poster
Posts:380
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| 22 Jul 2009 09:47 PM |
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Two old guys are fishing one asks you know these youngsters have names for everything on fishing gear now? Ya I know. Why do they call some gear terminal takle?Because it doesn`t take long before you snag it and leave it on the bottom of the lake to die of rust cancer. Old-fart Catfisher |
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moose
Advanced Poster
Posts:665
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| 23 Jul 2009 05:31 AM |
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A MAN , SHOCKED BY HOW HIS BUDDY IS DRESSED, ASKS HIM HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING THAT BRA? THE FRIEND REPLIES. EVER SINCE MY WIFE FOUND IT IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT. 
LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05 |
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bbrown18
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| 24 Jul 2009 09:37 AM |
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If you hear a loud rumbling in the sky tonight don't be alarmed, it isn't a severe thunderstorm. It's just Elvis beating the Sh*t out of Micheal Jackson for marrying his daughter. |
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