That's just wrong!

3 Wishes

One day an old Farmer, Osama Bin Laden, and a biker are walking along the road.  They come upon an old tarnished looking oil lamp laying in the ditch beside the road.  They pick up the lamp and start rubbing the tarnish off when "POOF" out pops a Genie.  The Genie says for releasing me from my prison in the lamp I shall grant you 3 wishes.  The farmer says wait a minute, we all found the lamp so which one of us gets the wishes.  The Genie says well to be fair each of you will get one wish, and you can draw lots to see who goes first.  They draw lots and the farmer gets the first wish.  The farmer thinks for a while then says, "Well I've been a farmer my whole life and my son is a farmer and my grandson will be a farmer too, so my wish is that our family farm be the most fertile ground in the country, and that it always produce a bumper crop every year.  The Genie snaps his fingers, and "POOF" all the farmers land becomes extremely fertile and his crops instantly become the most beautiful of any crops anywhere.  Osama drew the second wish, so he says, "Genie I want you to create a wall around Afganistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Iran, and the Gaza Strip so that no infidel Americans will ever be able to get in and bother the faithful muslim people.  The Genie snaps his fingers and "POOF" there is a wall around those countries.  The biker who has been sitting patiently waiting his turn asks the Genie, "Tell me about this wall you just built"   The Genie says well it's 5000 ft high, and 500 ft thick and made of solid concrete reinforced by steel.  It is inpenatratable nothing can get in or out."  The biker smiles for a second, then says, "Fill it with water."

I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program. 

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. 
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking
him "Do you think I will live to be 80?"

He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?" 

"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either." 

"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?" 

"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" 

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" 

"No, I don't," I said..

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." 

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you care?

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun

in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the waiter:  

 "Want coffee."

  The waiter says,  "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,

turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,

causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere

and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.

He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling

another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to

the waiter

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!

We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.

What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

"Training for position in United States Congress:

Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,

leave mess for others to clean up,

disappear for rest of day.

This is for the "old dogs" 

Just remember with age comes wisdom.

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks,'Uh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.'Whew!' says the panther,'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old Ger man Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says,'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks,'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther

For all you GENIUSES  out there :  A Brilliant Scientist decides to conduct a experiment to see how far a Frog will Jump when  he makes  a LOUD Noise... Puts the frog on the table, Blows a Loud Horn..Measures the Jump & writes in Jounal: Frog with 4 Legs Jumped 6 Ft...Cuts off a leg and Blows the Loud  Horn Again ...Writes: Frog with 3 legs jumped 4 Ft.,,,...Cuts off another leg...,Blows the Loud Horn again  & writes: frog with 2 legs jumps 2 ft...Cuts off another leg...Blows the Horn again & writes: Frog with 1 leg jumps 1 ft...finally he cuts the last remaining leg off.....Blows the Loud Horn and the Frog dosen't move! He is amazed at the results as he recrords in his Scientific Jounal...: Upon removal of the Fourth Leg, the Frog has Gone DEAF!!!!!!!