WIZARD I want to know the joke you deleted when you started this thread.
PM IT TO ME.
Old-fart Catfisher

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese cleaners.  So she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of dirty clothes:  "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

 

She got the clean laundry back and was still not satisfied with the results.  So the following week she enclosed another note:  "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!!!"

 

     The Chinese cleaner man became very annoyed.  Before her cleaned laundry was delivered he put his own note in return:

"I use plenty soap on panties!...You need use more paper on xxx!!!"

 

did not work

LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05

Three mischievous old grandmothers were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old man walked by.   One of the old women yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."   The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."   One of the old ladies said, "Sure we can!   Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age."   Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.   The grannies asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down a little bit.   Then they all piped up and said, "You're eighty-seven years old!"   Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"   Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison, "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05

 A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed..
> They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and
> would just walk home,
>
> On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket
> and a gallon of paint.. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a
> couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he
> now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
>
> While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady
> who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to
> 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
>
> The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to
> that house I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
> The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the
> bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and
> carry the goose in your other hand?'
>
> 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
>
> On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
> We'll be there in no time.'
>
> The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely
> widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in
> the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and
> have your way with me?'
>
> The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
> paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold
> you up against the wall and do that?'
>
> The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,
> put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
>

LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05

I saw a billboard sign that said:

NEED HELP, CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787



Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower

What happened did everyone suddenly lose their sense of humor?

Last year for Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a cemetary plot.  This year for Christmas I didn't buy her a gift.  When Christmas morning came and there was no present for her under the tree she seemed a little upset and asked why I hadn't got her a gift this year.  I responded, well you haven't used the gift I got you last year yet.

"GREAT-JOKES-YALL"*... an actual report;

"POND SCUM"

  An angler in Croatia, Slobadan Paparella, told Ananova.com last

week that he plans to sell his pet Irish-Setter, Lipi, (*Not U Lip...

because the dog makes him look bad in front of his buddies by jumping

in the water and catching more fish than he does. According to Paparella

the pooch is able to leap in and grab the fish in her jaws, including a

recent catch of a 15-pounder that had escaped from his line. "The other

fishermen were all laughing at me," the man told the web-site. "I have

no choice but to sell the dog because it keeps humiliating me." Guess

Redsnapper is off the menu...

"Take Care", L8r. James,"VATO LOCO"<;({})><    

USAF Reg. Vet. SAC; 321st Cmbt. Spprt. Grp. Tx. Bushwacker Deputy Sheriff; Anglers' Legacy Ambassador; B.A.S.S. "Cyborg Fingers King" San Antonio,Tx.

here is hopeing the bump to the to will help

 

BOY I WISH I HAD A GOOD JOKE !!!!

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.  Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.  
 
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he had decided to be different.  Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.' The teacher asked, "Why aren't you an Obama fan?" Johnny said, "because I'm a Republican."  The teacher asked, "Why are you a Republican?"  "Well, my mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican!!"

  I like it

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers
(hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept
records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was
replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached
them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from
a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and
fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to
investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for
cover. To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next
one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the
judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize, but they also
awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician
in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

The bells are not always audible.

LIFE MEMBER NOVEMBER 18-05

Unfortunately, that is to true to be funny. Tom
Fishin' fool in N.E. Illinois

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
 midnight. While in route home he asks the cabby if he would be a
 witness.
 
 The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants
 to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
 
 Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into
 the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
 
 The wife shouts; "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I
 inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
 
 HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season
 football tickets.
 
 HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country
 club membership and HE even pays the monthly dues!"
 
 Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the
 gun. He looks over at the cabby and says; "What would you do?"
 
 The cabby replies, "I'd cover his xxxx up with that blanket
 before he catches cold."

Life Member, Retired WV State Police, Retired SFC US Army. Poca, West Virginia

come on some one must have a good joke

hope the "bump" helps !!!!!