Originally posted by: Lazarus on 1/3/2007 3:05:49 PM

Mother Theresa died and went to heaven. Upon her entry, she was issued a small halo. She was happy with this. A few days later, she happened to see Princess Diana who had a very large halo. So she went to God and said,"Father, I was a diligent servant doing your work on Earth. So when I died, I came here to heaven and was given this halo. I am very happy with all of that, but please tell me why Princess Di has that very large halo." God said, "don't worry about it Terry, that's not a halo, it's a steering wheel." <!--graemlin::D--> <!--graemlin::D--> <!--graemlin::D--> <!--graemlin::rolleyes:-->

Originally posted by: woo2 on 1/2/2007 8:19:39 PM

We all need a good laugh from time to time. Lets throw some jokes on here, it qualifies for other.

tom

Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:18:28 PM

no explanation needed...[IMG:left] [/IMG]

Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:22:50 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:24:06 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:25:39 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:26:48 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:28:00 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:29:23 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:30:40 PM

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Originally posted by: papa_d on 1/3/2007 3:31:50 PM

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Originally posted by: walleyemen on 1/5/2007 3:02:33 PM

I other day over having coffee, my wife states to me honey, i think i'd like a boob job, thinkin for a minute i told her hon just rub toilet paper on your breasts... toilet paper she say's , what's that going to do?.. well hon look what it's done for your Azz!!!!!!

Originally posted by: hillbillyangler on 8/20/2007 6:00:12 AM

Duck walks into this bar and ask's the bar tender if he has any Qwackers. the bar tender says no duck this is a bar. So the duck leaves and comes in the next day and asked the bar tender , do have any qwackers? the bar tender say's NO duck this is a bar now leave.so the third day the duck comes into the bar and asked the bar tender , do you have any qwackers? the bar tender said duck listen , this is a bar and if you come in here again and ask about qwackers , I'm gonna nail ya to the floor. so the very next day the duck walks into the bar and the bar tender see's the duck , and think man here he comes again. So the duck steps upto the bar and say hay bar tender , do you have any nails , the bar tender quickly said NO DUCK , so the duck said good , got any Qwackers?
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Originally posted by: fish-a-holic on 8/22/2007 11:44:52 AM

A Soldier Passes


After an Army General dies and enters the pearly gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows the General a little two-bedroom house with a faded Army flag hanging from the front porch. "This is your house General," God says happily. "Most people don't get their own houses up here." The General Looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Marine Corps flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Marine Corps Emblem hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house God," the General says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded Army flag, and that Marine up there gets a mansion with Marine Corps Emblems and Marine Corps flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment and then says, "General, that's my house."

Originally posted by: fish-a-holic on 8/22/2007 11:46:51 AM

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My
blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some
weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right
doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical
problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with
bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better
immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Originally posted by: JESSE on 8/22/2007 5:28:48 PM

quote:

Originally posted by fish-a-holic:
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My
blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some
weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right
doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical
problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with
bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better
immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Originally posted by: JESSE on 8/22/2007 5:34:17 PM

amn walks into starbucks coffee shop orders and sees everone on there laptops not wanting to be left behind he gos to the r/rm put toilet paper sticking out his back pants and someone says sir you have toilet paper coming out the back of your pants he says no i"am receiving a fax.

Originally posted by: woo2 on 8/23/2007 2:56:01 AM

quote:

Originally posted by fish-a-holic:
A Soldier Passes


After an Army General dies and enters the pearly gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows the General a little two-bedroom house with a faded Army flag hanging from the front porch. "This is your house General," God says happily. "Most people don't get their own houses up here." The General Looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Marine Corps flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Marine Corps Emblem hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house God," the General says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded Army flag, and that Marine up there gets a mansion with Marine Corps Emblems and Marine Corps flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment and then says, "General, that's my house."

Originally posted by: SuwanneePaul on 9/3/2007 5:46:50 AM

'Swedish Humor" Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo ?"
"Yust a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell," said Lena , "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."

Originally posted by: bayliner on 11/1/2007 12:07:18 PM

"Why Men Pee Standing Up"

God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so he thought
he might just as well ask them.

He told them one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the
owner to pee while standing up.

"It's a very handy thing," God told them," and I was wondering if either
of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh please give that to me!
I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have.
Please! Pleeease! Give it to me! On and on he went like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly,
he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place -
first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried
to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, Well,
I guess your kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains," replied God......
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